Well Neutrinos are a bit blooming fast ain’t they?! At last, something interesting has happened in the Large Hadron Collider and we can relax about £4.4 billion it cost to make. Phew. Day and night, desperate physicists have been whirling all sorts around in there trying to make something happen; particles, light, dining room chairs (no I made that up) and after much accelerating, firing and colliding it seems that we have a winner!
Dr Ereditato (before you check, yes this is an anagram of Retired Toad) is making Albert Einstein look stupid all over the news today with Neutrinos of all things! He's poured them into the collider (which I think is a bit like pouring soap powder into one of those washing machines that you fill from the top) and the suprising results have scuppered Einstein’s best theory, making it look about as clever and likely as Mariah Carey’s last album E=MC2.
Currently, the unexpected Neutrino results are being checked by other scientists (just to make sure) and the Doctor says ‘we want to be helped by the community in understanding our crazy result - because it is crazy’. Well that may be so Mr Toad. It is crazy what you’ve done. Who would have thought that something with a name like a chocolate energy drink would turn out to be so fast! If you’re right about these Neutrinos, the consequences could be ‘very serious’ apparently. Give yourself a pat on the back Doctor because you’ve ruined everything.
Posters of Mariah Carey and Einstein looking cheeky at his blackboard are being torn from bedroom walls all over the world! The science community are up in arms because (if I understand this correctly, which I’m pretty sure I do) all we have to do now is climb into the Hadron Collider, sit on a dining room chair holding a full carton of Neutrinos and presto! We can time travel! It’s only a matter of time I should think.
The second science shock of the day is that a satellite the size of a double decker bus is plunging towards the Earth and it’s just luck if it’s not your head that it lands on. This isn’t a brilliantly thought through way to end the journey of a satellite really. That it just crashes to Earth I mean. I can’t imagine any of us would get that life-endangering ending past our bosses. ‘So thanks for that presentation Alice. This all looks good to go up. Can we just ask though, what happens at the end?’, ‘Oh right sure, well it just crashes to the Earth in a ball of fire?’, ‘Right fine. Off you go then. To infinity and beyond!’ Nasa clearly has some logistical kinks to work out. There’s not much we can do about it, other than just stay inside, but then if it’s your house it lands on, it’s probably game over anyway. Good luck with that. Fingers crossed.
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